Oh yeah, that would be the name of my next baby as suggested by my hubby. She’s a girl and I am so glad and excited as well. I just hope she will come just in time for us to get the finances that we need LOL! I’ll be expecting another CS by the 12^th of July as what my OB told me. Just merely thinking about the pain right after, it shivers me. Barely a year ago, I suffered from constipation, severe pain and post-partum depression. I am hoping and praying that things won’t be that worst this time. A friend of my in-law introduced to me a herbal medicine that said to be an effective solution for pain after giving birth. It’s in powder form and can be mixed in your beverages. However, I was quite reluctant to continue taking it because it taste so bitter and I am afraid it might affect my  baby. That friend said that it is not harmful for the baby because it is herbal. Well, maybe I’ll just rather take it right after giving birth just to be sure this time.

So, to my Jerusha Gabrielle (whom we can call as Gabbie for short), it is my prayer that you will arrive safely and in a very good shape, perfect health and above all if you could help Mama to have a normal delivery, so be it. I love you and you will complete us all. See you soon!

This is a common adage that we often heard from the mouth of an optimistic people: ”Everything Happens For A Reason”. Well, honestly, this is what I always believe in. I am not really that optimistic but I firmly believe that things happened because it has  to happen- no further question. However, for every things that happened to us, for every situation that we are in, we sometimes (if not oftentimes) always ask ourselves why did it happen to us. Especially if the situations that we are currently in is beyond our comprehension.

Things could happen to us as a consequence to the decisions that we made. That is why we need to be careful in making decisions. We have to be clever enough to consider the possible outcome of every plans that we are going to make. One false move and you will face the consequences for the rest of your life. So before becoming a failure of your own decision, think wisely.

Unpaid bills…

Rice Dispenser is empty…

… and our pocket is empty as well!

These are just among the challenges that we are currently experiencing. But God is so amazing… Amazing because we were able to survive for the past 2 months (since the summer started). He sustained us. With the help of those people who truly understood what we went through. I am not really getting panic amidst difficulty as long as my baby’s needs are secured. I’ve never seen this coming. I thought everything will be okay. My hubby got a job however his company experiences some downtime that forced them not to work because the quota was reduced (he is a factory worker by the way). Me, I just relied on my online job (blogging, article writing) on which seems too scarce right now. Yes, there are limited opportunities (unlike last February where I got to earn more than what I have expected). I will be due in the next two months and I am working on a loan paper right now hoping it will be approve because I need to prepare. I haven’t have an ultrasound yet (supposedly I should have it done last month but allocations got diverted for immediate needs).

With all these things that we’ve been through right now, I realized a lot of lapses on my part. I should have done this and that before… I should have listened to my Mom’s advice before about getting a stable job prior to settling down (indeed Mom knows best). But it’s quite too late. Right now I have a lot of plans going on my mind. I just hope I still have the strength and courage to do so. I know I will be very busy nursing my newborn baby in the next few months (I am praying for strength and good health then). They are now my motivation to strive harder. My hubby is eyeing for another job offered by his classmates but in part-time basis only however the salary is quite promising so he is working on it as well.

The way my hubby look into our situation is different from mine. Me, I worried a lot unlike him who seems unmindful at all. I once asked him if he isn’t worried with our situation, he told me that if he will mind it then who will be there for me to cheer me up if he too will dwell too much in our current situation. He got a point then. We are currently living with my in-laws and the hardest part there is that I am still adjusting right now. I always dreamed to live on our own since I got married. I never expected this to happen. We’ve been moving address for the nth time already renting a place but when I got pregnant both our parents decided to move to my in-laws so that we could save money. MY in-law was the one who babysit my baby and I was left with no other choice but to agree.

You see, if I only I have secured myself financially before, I should haven’t experiencing all these hardships and struggles. I could have just hired a baby sitter, live in a comfortable place I can call my own and should have not worry on what to eat tomorrow. But that’s life. Sometimes we overlook the important things. We only realized its significance when we taste the harshness of life. But I am not losing hope. I am ready to pick up the broken pieces and broken dreams and start all over again. Now I am more than determined to do all the things that I ought to do because I will be a Mom of two soon! I cannot afford to see them enduring the hardship when they grow up. I have to give them the kind of life that they truly deserve. I acknowledge once again that apart from God I am completely NOTHING. I CANNOT DO ANYTHING. But with HIM, nothing is impossible!

So, through good times and bad… life must go on!

Yes indeed!

I’ve got no class today so I spent the rest of the day with my Babie. My Babie loses weight a lot and somehow it worries me. My in-law told me that he is growing up that is why he loses weight and he is also teething. Well, I tried to reassure myself by believing her. However, the fact remains that my son didn’t get enough sleep because he sweats a lot during at night. Until now, for almost 2 months, we do not have an electric connection yet. I do not know what really causes the delay. As of now I don’t wanna talk too much about it. I’ve said my point already however my hubby’s sis (the one who did the processing) take my comments/inquiry negatively accusing me of being arrogant.

Well, this is just part of the things that I have to deal with now that we’re living with my in-law.

Life sucks sometimes…

Yeah, it’s our second year and it’s just like an ordinary day. We went to the beach with a friend, stayed their for a while then went home. Nothing exciting experiences to share about… I am just glad I have my baby who always makes my day.

For second year, we have few ups and many downs LOL! Now I am seven months on the way for our next baby. Am not sure if I am ready to face the challenge- but I have no other choice, I really have to face it!

Am so happy, my babie’s teeth development was so fast. Now when he smiles, all his front teeth are almost complete. However, he loses some weight because he don’t get enough sleep because of the hot weather. He is suffering from prickly heat and he keeps on scratching his back, he also tends to develop diaper rashes and not only that, he got so many insect bites. My poor baby! So disgusting indeed! During night time, I have to fan him to sleep (since our electricity connection request was still on the process). We’re struggling for having no electricity at the moment, hope it will get done sooner.

Marital woe. I guess many married women out there can relate much with these words. Perhaps the very reason why this thing could happen is simply because there is something wrong with their relationship. Not all marriages happened out of love. Well, maybe at first, both couple thought that it was really love but as soon as they already live together, they get to realize their mistakes. Then REGRETS came into the picture. Regrets are inevitable next to death and we cannot deny the fact that many of those who are in a relationship are very much familiar with this one yet before they come into their senses, the damage has already been done. Conflicts aroused, emotions being shattered and struggles becomes a daily routine.

Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine (name withheld) who was emotionally in pain right now.

She is already married and soon to be a mother of two. By the time she got married with the love of her life, she thought everything would be perfect. Well, it seems perfectly fine at first. Then there came along their first child. They are both very happy because they can now consider themselves as a real family. Along their journey as couple and parents, they have series of misunderstandings. The wife is the sensitive type while the husband tends to be the opposite one. They fight over petty things. However, these “petty fights” become constant. The husband was just so insensitive that he tends to be unmindful of every word that he uttered to her wife. No matter how the wife told her husband about those things that she hated the most about him, the husband doesn’t seems to care.  The wife holds on, hoping that her husband will one day realized his mistakes. She thought that as long as it is not about third party that they are fighting with, she can tolerate all the harshness of her husband. They really don’t have any issue about infidelity until one day the husband did something that the wife has discovered. He lied to her about something and she felt like being fooled. He betrayed her trust, that’s what she thought. But as soon as she confronted him, he got alibis. The wife becomes cautious right then. She becomes quite paranoid that when her husband didn’t get home in time from work, she thought of some negative things. Then one day, the husband left his phone at home and during that time they had a fight. The wife checked his phone and was so furious upon learning that the mobile number of his husband’s ex-lover whom she had deleted recently on his list was there again. She tried to check the messages and there she learned that earlier that day before they had a fight, he sent a message to her ex-lover but it was already deleted on his sent items. However, the wife just found it because the message archives reveals the name of her ex-lover. After all, he got a notable memory for his ex-lover’s phone number. She remember one time her husband asked her if he got her number right. See, the husband couldn’t memorize his wife’s number!  When her husband came home, she didn’t say anything. She doesn’t actually know what to say. While learning all those things that her husband did, she realized one thing: Her husband didn’t really love her after all. She knew before how much he loved his ex-lover. And no matter how many times she will delete that mobile number, her husband already has it saved in the memory of his heart and mind. Can the wife do anything to erase those memories of him? Absolutely nothing! Long before when they are still lovers, it was a struggle for her to adjust to their relationship because he hasn’t totally got over with his relationship to his ex. But he insisted to her that he doesn’t care about his ex anymore. And because she loves him, she completely believed all those lies. His ex-lover was already married but was recently separated to her husband. The wife was really hurting. She was hurting because all along she was just fooling herself in believing that her husband loves her. All those harshness treatment that he had on her was simply because he really didn’t love her. The wife believes that if love was really there, he should have been gentle to her. He shouldn’t be that harsh to her. She admitted that she is not the perfect-wife type. And now she is all the more confused on what to do. Should she remain numb to their situation? Should she fight for their marriage for the sake of her children? Or should she just simply give her husband the freedom that he wants?

 How about you? What can you advise to her? Because for me, I didn’t feel like I am capable of giving her the right advice because I was just too emotionally affected with her situation.