Today marks my 36th years of existence.
Out of that 36 years, is my 6 years mellow dramatic married life. And to be honest, I want to end up that chapter.
Why? Because I didn’t become a better person. Right now while writing this, I’m hurting. I’m in pain. And I could not even recognize myself anymore. This was not me 6 years ago. I’m a simple, God-fearing and obedient person. I’m kind, I was loved and respected. I’m not me anymore. I thought I would grow spiritually, emotionally but the opposite thing happen. That’s all because I’m blindly in love with a man whom I thought was my everything. I thought he would bring out the best in me. Instead, I’m slowly becoming a BEAST. No, he’s not a womanizer. But he’s that kind who would think more of himself than anyone else. He’s selfish. He’s so insensitive. He’s only kind to me when he needed something. So many times that he challenged my patience. So many times I tried to understand him. So many times I’m emotionally in pain and he didn’t even know how to say sorry. He showed his regrets through actions but he never uttered it. So lame.
If not for my the kids, I would have been gone to a place where I could find myself again.
But honestly, I want to just simply evaporate before I’ll be a stranger to myself completely.